You Might Be Cool, But…

You’ll never be as cool as…

Brian Jones wearing earrings on his lapels
…Brian Jones wearing earrings on his lapels,
donovan-posing-with-jennifer-juniper
…Donovan posing with Jennifer Juniper,
dylan-playing-chess-in-woodstock
…Bob Dylan playing chess in Woodstock,
jimi-brushing-his-fro
…Jimi Hendrix brushing his fro,
jimi-hendrix-drinking-wine-on-this-bed
…Or drinking wine on his Boho bed,
john-lennon-not-knowing-where-the-fook-he-is
…John Lennon not knowing where the fook he is,
john-not-caring-that-his-flys-open
…Or swaggering along not caring that his fly is open,
keith-richards-doing-a-fan-dance
…Keith Richards doing a fan dance,
paul-george-taking-a-stroll-through-the-park
…Paul McCartney and George Harrison strolling through the park,
pre-glam-bowie
…Pre-Glam Bowie,
robert-plants-arse
…Robert Plant’s arse,
salvador-dali-trying-to-look-one-third-his-actual-age
…Salvador Dali trying to look one-third his actual age,
the-strawberry-alarm-clock-striking-the-chicken-arm-pose
…The Strawberry Alarm Clock striking the ‘Chicken Arm’ pose,
this-chick-period
…This chick. Period.
this-collection-of-trousers
…This collection of trousers,

 

whoevers-wearing-this-coat-and-hat
…And whoever’s wearing this coat and hat.
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The Bargain We Strike Up

aging

Over the summer I began to notice a few differences between me, the 30-something musician and me, the 60-something musician. I’d be lying if I told you that my appearance doesn’t factor into it, because, let’s face it, there’s a definite double standard at work in the performance arts. Paul McCartney is still touted as one of the kings of rock and roll and told to “keep it up” at the age of 73 while Cher, who’s 69, is often asked if she thinks she’s too old to still be performing. When once asked this question she replied, “You’d better check with Mick Jagger.”  But I’m not on a soap box here, I’m simply telling you about what I’m lately noticing about myself. Let’s get right to the bottom, which actually is the top of my list.

My Arse.

From the time I sang my first gig in 1966 to my very last one in 1985, I’ve sat on a wooden four-legged stool. These work great for folk guitarists-singers, because the right foot can perch itself on a lower rung, thus lifting the guitar up to a comfortable position while the left foot provides support by planting itself firmly on the floor. Also, the flat, wood seat provides excellent  support for singing. There is no chair invented (that I’ve seen or used) that does all of this better. Period. I used to sit on my stool for hours not only on stage, but during recording sessions and rehearsals. I was never without my wooden four-legged stool. These days, however, my arse has lost a bit of its padding and a four-hour session sends me hobbling to the Ibuprofen bottle as well as my wing back reading chair for two full days. I thought that maybe just sitting there day after day, my arse might “buck up” sort of like my fingers did, but I don’t want calluses on me bum. I like my arse, thank you very much. It’s still pretty nice! So what to do? I’m playing with the idea of simply padding the seat with something soft yet supportive, but what I’ll probably do is just suffer.

My Voice.

I used to sing all the time, and at the top of my lungs. In the shower, the car, everywhere I could and not get arrested. I had a BIG voice, with a huge range, flexibility, and the ability to hold a difficult sustain without wavering or petering out. My voice had momentum; I could build up to a long, complex melisma and carry it through without even working at it. Man, I could do it while playing my guitar, drinking a beer, and hitting a ball into the corner pocket at the same time! Well… that may be stretching it a little… Fortunately, I retained a lot of that, because I didn’t sing—really sing—for 30 years. If I’d continued with my career back in 1985, I’d probably have no singing voice to speak of today. And if I did it wouldn’t still sound so young. The downside is that it tires easily. After a two-day recording session, Lynette put me on voice rest for a full week. I’m not too thrilled about this limitation, but she did buy two cartons of ice cream, so there’s that. So what to do? I’ll just space my vocal sessions a little more wisely and eat more ice cream!

My Fingers.

Everyone knows that if you play a stringed instrument, you’re going to have calluses. You can’t avoid it and once you build them via years of playing, they never really go away. They’ll soften up and they’ll quit the building-peeling-rebuilding routine, but they’re still there somewhere. Rebuilding my calluses was something I really dreaded last spring when I decided to get back to my music, but rebuilding them was far less painful than maintaining them. Steve Stewart, lead guitarist with Cast of a Thousand, told me that because our skin gets thinner as we age, the skin over the calluses is subject to more pain. Eric Clapton’s remedy is to keep them smooth with an emery board and bathe them in rubbing alcohol before and after playing. I’m OK with the emery board and the pre-session dose, Clapper, but that ablution afterward would be way too painful! So what to do? I use an emery board, and then a small slick of superglue on each fingertip to avoid pain altogether.

My Energy.

On those mornings that I get up knowing I’ll be spending the day in the studio, I get all excited and my energy level rises to the occasion. Because of the Hashimoto’s Disease, these adrenaline spikes play hell with me 24 hours later when I’m riddled with death-like fatigue and dynamite can’t blast me out of the chair. I hate this. I used to have unlimited energy. I used to work days on end and then party all night. ROCK AND ROLL! I used to drive people crazy with my energy. So what to do? Sod it. Between my arse aching, my fingers throbbing, my voice croaking, and my energy obliterated, I’ll just have to admit that I’m older now, and take every other day off to recuperate.

Let’s face it. We get old. We die. It’s the bargain we strike up when we come here. Things aren’t perfect and life is messy, but hey, there’s always ice cream.

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Novel Characters

Book Boyfriend

Maybe I’m weird, but my aspirations for my rock & roll series, Beyond The Bridge, has never included making the Best Seller list. Sure, a movie deal would be fantastic, but I guess I’m more practical than to live for that dream. All I really want for this story is for the main character to eventually become what is known as a Book Boyfriend. This isn’t as far fetched as you might think. This guy has it all. I mean, I’m not into guys and I’m in love with him. Let’s go over his qualifications, shall we? (Sorry, dudes. If you decide to out-click now I’ll completely understand.)

 

First of all, Gordon looks like a taller version of this guy…

Marc Bolan
Marc Bolan

and has the smoldering mystique of this guy…

Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp

Really. What’s not to crush on? But beneath his sultry, smokin’ hotness coupled with his wounded angel appeal, his concealed emotional scars, and his seeming blasé disregard for what’s going on around him, Gordon is a kind and gentle man who cares deeply about those whom he loves. He just can’t seem to express it. Well, except in his music. There, in his music, especially in his mastery of guitar, is where he sparkles and shines. But who can touch that magical place inside him? Who, indeed! Gordon isn’t someone who sleeps around. Hell, he doesn’t even like groupies (something his band mates are all too happy to rib him about). In Gordon’s own words (from one of my current WIPs, Enharmonic Intervals: the Memoirs of Gordon Hammond)…

“When I fall in love, I fall surely and steadfastly.
There’s nothing I won’t do for that woman,
nothing in heaven and earth that
I won’t try to move for her.
I’m loyal to a fault, ridiculously romantic,
and quite intentionally blind.
The worst thing is that I tend to put her on a pedestal,
where I hold her above the rest of humanity.
She might not know this is what I’ve done,
but I do it, and it’s not good.
It’s not fair.”

The whole fame thing has left Gordon in a quandary that he never really resolves, although he eventually learns to accept it from a comfortable distance. Behind the 9-foot walls of his Kentish estate, Chadwicke Park, he keeps the world at bay while creating a world of his own design, a world that includes a number of other colorful characters:

Noel: The surly yet teddybear-like Liverpudlian bass man of Gordon’s band, Tuppence. A no-nonsense bloke, Noel is Gordon’s closest confident—and his most honest leveler.

Liz: Noel’s eventual wife and the woman Gordon has crushed on for years. A supermodel akin to the likes of Jean Shrimpton, Liz is intelligent, nurturing, and sophisticated, but not at all the type of woman Gordon attracts, sadly for him. He probably would have done well with a woman like Liz, but Noel is his best friend, so no touchy!

Willy: The band’s drummer, Willy is cute and sunny, always seeing the bright side, but he possesses a kind of down-to-earth wisdom that Gordon leans on from time-to-time. Of all the band members, Gordon has known Willy the longest, mates from their art college days in the early 1960s.

Mary Lynn: Willy’s eventual wife. A smart-assed but good-natured girl from Birkenhead near Liverpool, Mary Lynn keeps things real with her humor and her “I don’t give a fook” attitude.

Trevor: The band’s rhythm or second guitarist. Like Gordon, Trevor is a silent type, but his is born from a tough childhood and he has a cold edge that Gordon fortunately lacks. Definitely a bad boy.

Janie: Trevor’s eventual wife, Janie is a fresh-faced, homespun woman who tries to understand Trevor, but simply cannot.

Felicity: A supermodel reminiscent of Twiggy and Penolope Tree, mixed with a little of Marilyn Monroe’s vulnerability, Felicity is Gordon’s first real love. One problem: his family comes from the merchant class and hers from British peerage. Seeing Felicity in a Carnaby Street boutique in the early days of Tuppence’s fame, Gordon falls ridiculously in love. At the same time her star is just beginning to rise and she recognizes an opportunity for advancement by being seen on his arm. Between them, they carry far too much baggage, resulting in both heartache and tragedy.

Katy: Moving to London from Boulder, Colorado, petite and spunky Katy is a gifted blues recording artist who swoops into Gordon’s life and takes names.

Jason: A secondary Book Boyfriend, Jason is a cross between a 30-something “Wings” Paul McCartney and Shahid Kapoor of Bollywood fame. After his hit Sixties band, The Street, broke up, Jason went on to form Tall Madge, in which he plays lead guitar. He crushes big time on Katy, but sadly, the feeling isn’t reciprocated.

Paul McCartney & Shahid Kapoor
Are you panting yet?

Gordon keeps company with many rock stars of the era, although he’s closest to Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones and George Harrison of the Beatles. With these frequent guests, who wouldn’t want to hang out at his “auld pyle” in Royal Tunbridge Wells? I know I would! Reading these books is a little like sneaking over the walls and past the electronic gates of British rock royalty’s country estates.

I wonder if there are Book Girlfriends? If you’re looking for those, there’s no shortage in Beyond The Bridge; take your pick! But any in-depth descriptions of them needs must wait for a follow-up entry on another day. In the meantime, you can get Beyond The Bridge SE (which includes Books One and Two in a single volume) in both paperback and for Kindle by visiting the book’s website. And if you’d like to meet Gordon Hammond for yourself, visit his Facebook page.

Cheers!

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